Going to town
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and
sees a cowboy, coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and
his boots, so he arrests him for Indecent Exposure. As he is locking him up, the
Sheriff asks him, "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the
road, when this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with
her, and so I did... We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull
off my shirt, so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my
pants, so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my
shorts, so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of hot and sexy
and says, "Now go to town, cowboy... And so here I am."
Be Careful What You Wish For
It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want." The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "Okay, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding." The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes." The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror. Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, "Oh my God, I was riding the mare!"
Glad We Have Chapstick...
The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. "Howdy, stranger..." "Howdy, Sheriff..." The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, and stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on there, Mister..." "Sheriff?" "Did I just see what I think I just saw?" "Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..." "And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked." Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em.
The Stranger
A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. As were his chaps, pants, and even his boots, including the paper spurs. Truth be told, even the saddle, blanket and bridle on his horse were made entirely of paper. Of course he was soon arrested for..... rustling...
A Young Gunslinger
It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is
a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest
and most respected gunslinger in the west. The place was Dodge City, Kansas in
the Sawdust Saloon.
The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his
surprise, saw Bat Masterson sitting at a table playing poker. The young man
alked up to Bat and said, "Mr. Masterson, I would like to be a gunslinger
just like you. Could you give me some tips?" Bat Masterson put his cards
down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't usually give out tips
like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and
let me take a look at you." The boy stepped back and Mr. Masterson said, "You
look good. You're wearing black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed
holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is:
Can you shoot?"
The young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly
drew his pistol from his right holster and without aiming shot the cuff link off
of the piano player's right sleeve. Bat Masterson said, "That's good
shooting son, but can you shoot with your left hand?" Before Masterson
could even finish, the boy had already drawn the pistol from his left holster
and shot the cuff link off of the piano player's left shirt sleeve. Very proud
of himself the young man blew the smoke away from his six shooter and holstered
his gun. "How was that?" the boy asked Masterson.
Bat Masterson
smiled and looked up and the boy and said, "That was pretty good shooting
son. I couldn't do better than that myself, but I do have one good tip for you."
"What's
that?" the boy asked.
"I suggest that you go to the kitchen and
ask the cook for a large can of lard. Then take both guns of yours and stick
them down deep in the lard." Puzzled the young gunslinger asked Masterson
why he should do that.
Masterson put his cards down again, leaned back in
his chair, and said, "Well son, when Mr. Wyatt Earp gets done playing the
piano over there, he's going to take those two guns of yours and. . . "
The boy didn't wait for the rest of the answer
